"What we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down." --Mary Pickford

"Come down and tear off your wings." --Mushroomhead

Mushroomhead's Savior Sorrow is the perfect metal song of foreboding angst and in regular rotation on my Misery Signal Radio station along with the angry, old school style Safe Passage by Manmade God which reminds me of the band Trouble. Damn, I love my music, it always makes me feel better. Like a little pill.

Been suffering from severe anxiety again. I'm down right sick. It's hard to move from the paralyzing fear and the pain. The rashes are more and more frequent. And lucky me, it's all in my head. If I'd known how bad my genetics really were years ago, I'd never of had kids. God, I hope they never go through this or that they ever know that I do. For years, I wondered why my Dad hung himself and more recently my cousin Brian. I don't anymore.

In no way, shape, or form, am I thinking of hurting myself (that would be stupid) but I can see why someone would. Depression kills just like cancer only it can't be seen in an x-ray or on a test.

Still I trudge on. It's all I can do. Since I'm off work today, I did manage to get up and get my kids off to school, wash dishes, read, catch up on a little TV, exercise, and do some research on trying to go back to school. Need to try find a new therapist as well.

Somewhere there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I just pray it's not the one to the other side.