"Now get the guns, the drugs, From my generation. I'll take the fall, the saints, across the nation. And it's the sex, the gods, the freaks, the frauds.
They're messing with me. Come on, come on, come on. Let's get it on!...Live through my music" -- The Union Underground

"Everything is perfect. Everything is sick."--Anthrax

"Do you see what I see? Truth is an offense." --Metallica

It seems Microsoft has a vision of the future in which people will pay for whiz-bang tech in an "experience economy". Microsoft's future vision. The wired world is upon us.

And in this political season, I'm glad to see the all mighty Washington hypocrites still believe their own lies. Bush requests 25 billion more for Iraq and Afghanistan. Iraq has been a total drain on the war on terror and is now the focal point when it shouldn't be.

Not sure where I found this link. But the men-in-black may be searching BLOGS for intelligence info. Or more likely, already are.

I finally watched the Grinch video. Thumbs up.

Went to the comic shop yesterday and picked up: Metal Hurlant, Y, and the last issue of Thessaly. Then went to work early for a mentoring meeting that was cancelled. Only nobody let me know so I showed up two hours early for nothing. Last time that happens. Why is it that no one ever thinks of the guy that works late? Not sure if that's a compliment since my work is good and few things are left for dayshift or if it's "out of sight, out of mind".

Read a couple of really good BLOG posts lately. It seems Ron has some HTML advice for us all: The Rat Squeaks. And Scott is having a great conversation about post modernism. I read a lot of BLOGS, should I be reading yours?

In fact, I read so many different things I can never seem to finish. That scrambled mind thing again. Such is my brain. Perhaps that is why at work I am so anal. And I mean completely anal. I have a hard time working on multiple sales or problems. I get this impending doom feeling if I don't finish the first thing first. It's me. It's my universe. And that is why I have taken up a new interest (how many more do I need?) in psychology. I find it amazing to learn how the brain works. To learn about concepts such as 'emotional intelligence'. And how linked it all is. A chain exists between brains and bodies and feelings. What effects one, effects the other. Trauma leaves biological imprints. We transmit feelings to others even subconsciously. Being a man is a puzzle.

When I look at myself, I know I have so many idiosyncrasies. So many habits and rituals. I always thought it was due to my lack of security which was reinforced after my Dad's suicide and that I had many, many more rituals than most people. But now, I believe that everyone may have just as many idiosyncrasies because we are unique complex beings.

Some of my personal habits include carrying my brief case everywhere. It has to be with me or I feel lost. I do things in the exact same order every day. Exactly the same. From getting up, to brushing teeth, to getting ready for the day...if that order is broken it puts a bad light on my day. Things must be put in the right place, or I feel overwhelmed. For example, things like the remote, hair brush, and tooth brush. The overwhelmed feelings in my best description are akin to the feeling of being crushed. Of someone sitting on your lungs that you can't get off. Again, most of my habits are related to "order" and "security" and are near compulsive.

I look at other people and though I won't go into specific examples there are patterns in nearly everyone. People divorce one person and marry someone nearly identical. People react nearly the same way in certain situations. And so on. We can't help it. This is our nature. This is what we are. The key I guess is to understanding our nature, accepting it, and overcoming the bad things when possible while embracing ourselves as a whole.

Can man do this? Can I? I don't know. I really don't know. So much loathing for mankind and the human condition. And that ultimately should be the point of "religion". To love ourselves and one another. God/Karma/Higher Power wouldn't have it any other way I would think. The real sin is not caring for your fellow man or yourself the temple of God. And though God doesn't speak to me, I don't need anyone to point out this simple fact.

Two of my bosses that recently left work told me that whether I know it or not...I am one of the most self aware people they have ever met. I also am conscious of the people around me. I pick up on body language and the meaning behind the words. Which came as a total shock to me because I always felt I was naive.

Now, I no longer know where I'm going with this so I'll call it a day. Hope all is well with you and when you understand the meaning of life, please, drop me a line.

-Nobius